'Til We Are Made Whole

When our baby died last fall in a miscarriage a wise man who used to be a pastor told me something that is just clicking now in my mind. To paraphrase what he said, “I was never the same after the death of my daughter. I truly believe it is one of the reasons the Lord led me to where I am today. I couldn’t minister the way I used to. My patience for trivial things just isn’t what it used to be.” He’s now serving in a ministry where he can still exercise his pastoral gifts but he doesn’t have to endure much of the trivial nonsense we find in churches today.

I didn’t quite get it then. As much as we hurt by the loss of our little one, we could still muster on. What I’ve been finding now though, with Christina’s special needs, is that I am starting to find I am lacking the patience for these trivial nonsense things. I certainly appreciate that we are called to be patient in all things and for all reasons and with all people, yet, far too often we fixate and focus on unimportant issues. We major on minors rather than majoring on majors. We focus our attention on budget details or church carpet color and neglect the lost outside our doors. We focus our attention on who’s in charge and neglect the physically, emotionally, and spiritually needy in our midst. When significant events happen in your life, you don’t give up on God (God is good all the time and never makes mistakes) but it is very easy to give up being patient on issues in which shouldn’t even be issues.

I’m finding this in my own life. Having a daughter with a special need who will suffer years of surgeries and therapy, who struggles to breath and be soothed, helps put things into perspective for you. You realize that much of what you’ve been striving after in life (things, power, etc.) are hollow and meaningless. It makes you realize more and more that the lost are dying outside of Christ, babies are being murdered in the womb, girls are being made sex slaves, and Christians are happy being like the world. While Rome burns, we fiddle. 

I know I should be more patient. Patience is a virtue. But you know what is also a virtue? Looking past the unimportant things in life and focusing our lives and our hearts and attention on things that matter and last. 

Sometimes I am finding my lack of patience disturbing… but sometimes… I’m finding it refreshing.